or so it seems…
during this morning meditation I discovered the most simple and terrifying fear within the self – the uncertainty of the next moment.
will I survive? the gift of our awareness of our existence and death of the body also produces fear for some parts of the self. an endless uncertainty and arising concern to know if I will survive the next moment. I used to think this was only me who had these kinds of thoughts and feelings, blaming my parents for their own survival traumas as causing this in me. My mother was born with cerebral palsy and my father was abandoned on the streets of Chicago at 3 years old.
But no longer can I blame anyone for this feeling. A deeper sense of truth tells me this is an existential fear that all humans have at some level, even though most people cannot tolerate this feeling and will do anything to avoid feeling it. I used to. Some part of me still tries…
